On Help

Asking for help

Asking for help. It always was a synonymous of weakness for me as I tend to have a big ego. I have always done things by myself since I was a kid and I take pride in my achievement. Asking for help would undermine my capabilities, no way! I was jealous and angry at people for getting some help and get ahead of me: ‘If not for the help he/she got, I would be far ahead of him/her’. I don’t have to tell you how toxic that was. If I managed to achieve my goals, there is no doubt of how tired I was at the end. I would break down into tears, not because I was relieved but because it was too much for me to handle: ‘I did this alone. They saw my struggle but nobody helped me’.

1 – Time management

Getting help doesn’t mean you are weak or incapable. It shows how smart you are to delegate some works in order to focus on the important task according to the Eisenhower important/urgent matrix. You also need to admit that asking the right question to the right person can save you time. In fact, you also need to be smart on how to formulate your question but most importantly, chose wisely whom to ask them. Not everybody can help you. If the person you asked doesn’t have the answer you are looking for and is struggling as much as you to find it, thank them and move on.

2 – Resource management

Most of the time, when working on a new project, we are given resources in order to achieve a goal. Use them. Don’t be the person who spent 45 minutes looking on the internet how to do something particular to your firm, tell a colleague that you know how to do it after a 45 min struggle then being told that it was on the common folder of the company. To be able to ask for help, you need to accept that you don’t know everything. There is nothing worse than a ‘know-it-all’ type of person.

You don’t have anything to lose when you ask for help. If you cannot get it, you stay in the position you are now. If you don’t, you will always wonder if you could have done things better, faster and with less stress.

Accepting and giving help

1 – Trust people 

As I meet more and more people in my field, it stroke me how many of them always end the conversation with: ‘ You can contact me if you have any questions. If I cannot answer them, I will redirect you to a colleague’. I mean, those are important, busy people, but they are offering you their help. Yet, very few people actually contact them after the meeting and I get it. It’s a bit intimidating and you might be afraid of asking a stupid question. In that case, please, research the answer first. However, I advise you to use this opportunity to learn more about the person, their background and what they do. This is how networking works. You need to follow-up after meeting them, with a thank you letter and a comment on their speech or your conversation. However, don’t be mistaken. This will not land you a job. Again, networking, it’s not always about you getting a favor. It’s creating a relation between you and them.

2 – Return the favor

Returning a favor is one of the principle of building a network. They did something for you, try to do something for them. As a young professional, you might not be able to do so. What you can do is to offer your help to someone less experienced than you. It will not only create another relationship but it helps you to be a good mentor as well.

3 – Refusing to help

There will be sometime when people will come to you for help. If you can, you should. If you cannot, for whatever reason be it a lack of knowledge, a lack of time, you need to say no. Trying to help someone when you don’t have the means to will only make you frustrated and is a lost of time for both of you. You need to swallow your pride and tell them you cannot help for this particular case.